Are you tired of feeling like a magnet for narcissists who drain your energy and self-worth? It’s time to break free from the cycle and discover the empowering truth that you’re not to blame. Narcissistic behavior is rarely obvious. This series will unveil the reasons why you quietly attract narcissists and help you discover the tools to dismantle their power over your life.
Tip: A Narcissist Won’t Admit To Being A Narcissist
Tired, head-scratching confusion. I wonder why I often feel this way as I stand in my boss’s office while she is glaring at me like I’ve just made her life miserable.
“You told me you were going to do that by today: Wednesday.” She spits out.
“No,” I counter confidently. “I said I couldn’t get to it until Friday. I have a lot of projects going on right now.”
She arches an eyebrow in my direction. “Maybe you think you said Friday, but you said Wednesday. You were standing right there by the door wearing a white button-down shirt. You had just mentioned you had tried that new Chinese restaurant on Silverton Ave. And then you promised to have it done by Wednesday. Well, now it’s Wednesday, and it needs to be done: fix this!”
Cue more head-scratching.
Had I really said the wrong day? I could have sworn that I had explained myself very clearly, but obviously, I hadn’t, or there wouldn’t be this misunderstanding.
Well…I am only human, after all. I do make mistakes. And my boss had such a vivid recall of all the details swirling around the conversation; it would be silly to insist I hadn’t accidentally said the wrong thing.
“Just get it done today.” She huffs and blows out the door.
Does Gaslighting Seem Normal?
I glance toward the corner of the office where my boss’s assistant, Katherine, is sitting quietly on a swivel chair. I shrug my shoulders like saying, “Oh, well.”
Katherine whispers conspiratorially, “I heard that conversation. You said Friday very clearly. I hate that she can’t ever admit she’s wrong!”
And the head-scratching stopped.
My boss was completely in the wrong. I would have chalked it up to a simple miscommunication, but my boss escalated the situation into a confrontation. A battle over who was right and who was wrong.
I just want to yell out “Why?”
Not only was the situation blown out of proportion, but my boss seemed to feel it critical to make me believe I was to blame, that I had made a mistake and messed things up. She was manipulating the facts to try to paint an inauthentic picture. For no good reason!
It may seem like it’s not a big deal, but this is an example of gaslighting, and it’s a situation I am all too familiar with.
Gaslighting in any kind of relationship is never okay! So why do I seem to fall for it over and over again? I just seem to be one of those people who attracts narcissists like a magnet.
Are You A Magnet For Narcissists?
Have you found yourself in a similar situation in one of your relationships? Do you feel the uneasy sensation that someone is gaslighting or manipulating you? Does it seem like you keep running into people who show egotistical and narcissistic characteristics?
It may be that you are a magnet for narcissists, too.
Over the next few articles, I will be going into each possible reason with more depth and understanding. But for now, here are eight reasons why you might inexplicably draw these kinds of folks to you like flies to honey.
Why We Get Sucked Into A Narcissist’s World
Getting caught up in trying to please narcissists can be a complex and challenging situation. Narcissists often exhibit manipulative and controlling behavior that can make it difficult for others to resist their demands or seek their approval. Here are some reasons why you might find yourself trying to please narcissists:
1. Desire for Approval
Narcissists often know how to make others feel special and valued when they are getting what they want. This can create a strong desire in you to seek their approval and validation, as they can be charismatic and persuasive in giving positive feedback.
2. Fear of Rejection
No one is a better expert at exploiting your fear of rejection or abandonment than a narcissist. They may use tactics such as withdrawal of affection or attention to make you feel anxious about displeasing them, leading you to constantly strive to meet their demands.
3. Manipulation
Narcissists are skilled at manipulation. They might use guilt, emotional blackmail, or other tactics to make you feel responsible for their happiness. This can lead you to prioritize their needs over your own.
4. Low Self-Esteem
If you have low self-esteem or lack self-confidence, you might be more susceptible to seeking validation from others, especially from those who appear confident and self-assured, like narcissists.
5. Cycle of Abuse
Relationships with a narcissist can create a cycle of abuse, where the narcissist alternates between periods of charm and affection and periods of criticism or aggression. This cycle can create confusion and keep you hooked, hoping to regain the positive aspects of the relationship.
6. Empathy and Compassion
People who are empathetic and compassionate may have a harder time recognizing manipulative behavior and setting boundaries. They may genuinely want to help and support others, making them vulnerable to narcissists who exploit their kindness.
7. Lack of Awareness
It’s not always easy to recognize narcissistic behavior, especially if you’ve grown up around it or if it’s become normalized in your life. Without realizing it, you might fall into patterns of trying to please narcissists.
8. Personal History
Past experiences, traumas, and relationship dynamics can influence how you respond to narcissistic individuals. If you’ve encountered similar dynamics before, you might inadvertently repeat them.
Recognizing Being a Magnet for Narcissists
It’s important to remember that it’s not your fault that you find yourself in this situation. Dealing with narcissists can be emotionally draining and harmful to your well-being.
If you find that you’re consistently caught up in trying to please narcissists, it might be helpful to seek support from friends, family, or a mental health professional. Learning about setting boundaries, improving self-esteem, and recognizing manipulative behaviors can also empower you to navigate these situations more effectively.
Don’t let another day be clouded by doubt and exhaustion. It’s time to rewrite your story with clarity, strength, and resilience. Join me over the next few weeks as we embark on this transformational journey and unlock the keys to understanding covert narcissistic behavior, so you can finally take control of your relationships and embrace the happiness you truly deserve.
Next in the series: Seeking Approval: #2 Magnet for Narcissists
Fear of Rejection: #3 Magnet for Narcissists
Are You Easy to Manipulate?: #4 Narcissist Magnet
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