Gaslighting is frustrating. Hearing “You’re too sensitive” makes me pause and wonder if I am the problem. Then, I instinctually want to respond emotionally because, well, gaslighting is designed to confuse our emotions. However, through a lot of trial and error, I learned that responding to gaslighting with calm confidence makes all the difference in the world. Let’s look at some of those responses.
Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation where someone tries to make you doubt your perceptions, memories, or reality. The goal is to undermine your confidence and make you question your sanity, often giving the gaslighter more control. Gaslighting phrases are designed to confuse, discredit, and destabilize.
Let’s examine some calm, reasonable responses you can use to confront gaslighting behavior. These responses are designed to assert your reality, set boundaries, and maintain your confidence without escalating the situation. The key is to stay firm in your truth while keeping the tone calm and focused on resolution. Please note that these responses are very generic; you will want to add your own flourish to personalize the statements.
Common Gaslighting Phrases & Responses:
1. “You’re Overreacting.” This is Basic Gaslighting 101
- Response 1: “My feelings are valid, and I need you to respect how I feel, even if you see it differently.”
- Response 2: “This is important to me, and I’d appreciate it if we discussed it without dismissing my emotions.”
- Response 3: “Whether you think I’m overreacting or not, this is how I feel, and it’s worth addressing.”
2. “It’s Not That Big of a Deal.”
- Response 1: “It feels like a big deal to me, and I’d like us to talk through it.”
- Response 2: “It may not seem important to you, but I need you to hear me out.”
- Response 3: “If it matters to me, it matters in this relationship.”
3. “That Never Happened.”
- Response 1: “I remember it differently, and it’s okay if we don’t agree, but my memory of the event stands.”
- Response 2: “We clearly have different memories of what happened, but dismissing mine doesn’t help us resolve this.”
- Response 3: “I know what I experienced, and denying it won’t change how I felt in that moment.”
4. “You’re Too Sensitive.” (This is a gaslighting ‘go-to’)
- Response 1: “I may be more sensitive about this than you, but that doesn’t make my feelings any less real.“
- Response 2: “Please don’t minimize my feelings. Let’s focus on resolving the issue instead of labeling emotions.”
- Response 3: “My sensitivity is not the issue here. Let’s focus on how we can address what happened.”
5. “You’re Imagining Things.”
- Response 1: “I trust my perceptions and experiences, even if you see them differently.”
- Response 2: “I’m not imagining things; we just have different views, and I’d like us to find some common ground.”
- Response 3: “We don’t have to agree, but I’m clear on what I experienced.”
6. “I Was Just Joking.” (This is a gaslighting classic!)
- Response 1: “If it was a joke, it hurt, and I’d like us to avoid that kind of humor in the future.”
- Response 2: “Even if it was a joke, it didn’t come across that way to me, and my feelings still matter.”
- Response 3: “Jokes shouldn’t hurt, and this one did. I’d appreciate it if we could talk about why.”
7. “You’re Crazy.”
- Response 1: “Please don’t call me names. We can discuss the issue without insults.”
- Response 2: “I’m not crazy, and calling me that isn’t helpful. Let’s stick to the topic.”
- Response 3: “We both know I’m not crazy, so let’s focus on the problem instead of resorting to labels.”
8. “You Always Do This.” (Gaslighting often uses extremes like ‘always’ and ‘never’)
- Response 1: “Please be specific about what you mean instead of using generalizations.”
- Response 2: “I don’t always do this. Let’s focus on what’s happening right now.”
- Response 3: “I’m open to discussing this, but saying I ‘always’ do something is unhelpful and unfair.”
9. “Stop Being Dramatic.”
- Response 1: “I’m expressing how I feel. Please don’t call it dramatic just because it makes you uncomfortable.”
- Response 2: “It’s not dramatic to express my feelings. Can we focus on resolving the issue instead?”
- Response 3: “Dismissing me as dramatic doesn’t help. Let’s focus on what’s really going on.”
10. “No One Else Would Ever Put Up With You.”
- Response 1: “That’s hurtful, and it’s not a fair way to speak to me. I deserve respect.”
- Response 2: “I don’t need to be ‘put up with.’ I deserve kindness and respect in this relationship.”
- Response 3: “That kind of statement is harmful and not true. Let’s discuss the real issue instead.”
Less Common Gaslighting Phrases & Responses:
1. “You’re Remembering It Wrong.”
- Response 1: “I remember it clearly, and my memory is valid, even if it’s different from yours.”
- Response 2: “We might have different recollections, but that doesn’t mean mine is wrong.”
- Response 3: “We see this situation differently, but I stand by what I remember.”
2. “Even My Friends Think You’re Wrong.”
- Response 1: “This is between us, not your friends. Let’s keep it about our perspectives.”
- Response 2: “What your friends think isn’t relevant here. I’d rather focus on our conversation.”
- Response 3: “We don’t need to involve others in this. Let’s work through this ourselves.”
3. “Everyone Else Agree With Me, Why Can’t You?”
- Response 1: “I’m not ‘everyone else,’ and I have my own perspective that deserves to be heard.”
- Response 2: “We don’t need everyone else’s agreement. This is about us.“
- Response 3: “We don’t have to agree with the crowd. Let’s find what works for us.”
4. “If You Really Loved Me, You Wouldn’t Question Me.”
- Response 1: “Questioning something doesn’t mean I don’t love you; it means I’m trying to understand.”
- Response 2: “Love involves communication, and that includes asking questions when things don’t feel right.”
- Response 3: “I do love you, and that’s why I’m asking for clarity. Love doesn’t mean blind agreement.”
5. “You’re Not Making Sense.”
- Response 1: “I’m making sense to myself, and I’d like you to try and understand my point of view.”
- Response 2: “It might not make sense to you right now, but that’s why we need to talk through it.”
- Response 3: “I’d like to explain more clearly, but dismissing me as ‘not making sense’ isn’t helpful.”
6. “You’re the Only One Who Thinks That.”
- Response 1: “Even if I’m the only one, my thoughts and feelings are still valid.”
- Response 2: “I don’t need others to think the same for my feelings to be important.”
- Response 3: “I understand that I may have a different view, but that doesn’t make it wrong.”
7. “I Don’t Have Time For This Nonsense.”
- Response 1: “This is important to me, and I’d like us to make time to discuss it.”
- Response 2: “It might not seem important to you, but I need to talk about this.”
- Response 3: “If we don’t address this now, it will only grow bigger. Let’s make time for it.”
8. “I Didn’t Say That, and Even If I Did, You Misunderstood Me.”
- Response 1: “Let’s focus on what I heard and felt and calmly clear up any misunderstandings.”
- Response 2: “I’m open to clarifying things, but I know what I heard.”
- Response 3: “I may have heard differently than you intended, but that doesn’t mean my experience is invalid.”
9. “You’re Just Trying to Confuse Me.”
- Response 1: “I’m not trying to confuse you. I’m trying to explain how I feel.”
- Response 2: “That’s not my intention. I just want us to have a clear understanding.”
- Response 3: “I’d like us both to be clear, so let’s slow down and discuss this.”
10. “Nobody Else Would Care About This As Much As You Do.”
- Response 1: “Even if no one else cares, it matters to me, and I’d like you to respect that.”
- Response 2: “It’s important to me, and that’s enough reason to talk about it.”
- Response 3: “Whether or not others care, I do, and I need us to address it.“
Subtle Gaslighting Phrases & Responses
1. “I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal out of this.” Gaslighting includes minimizing language.
- Response 1: “It may not seem like a big deal to you, but it matters to me, and I’d like us to talk about it.”
- Response 2: “I’m making a big deal because this issue is important to me, and dismissing it won’t help resolve it.“
- Response 3: “We don’t have to agree on its importance, but I still need to address it.”
2. “You’re just stressed out; you don’t mean that.” Gaslighting switches the blame.
- Response 1: “I may be stressed, but that doesn’t change how I feel or what I’m trying to communicate.”
- Response 2: “I do mean what I’m saying, regardless of how stressed I am. Let’s focus on the issue, not my stress level.”
- Response 3: “Stress doesn’t invalidate my feelings. Can we address the problem without dismissing how I’m feeling?”
3. “Why are you being so difficult?” Gaslighting attacks.
- Response 1: “I’m not trying to be difficult; I’m trying to communicate what’s important to me.”
- Response 2: “I don’t see myself as being difficult. I’m just standing up for what I believe.”
- Response 3: “This isn’t about being difficult. It’s about finding a solution that works for both of us.”
4. “Are you sure that’s what happened?” Gaslighting questions reality.
- Response 1: “I’m sure of what I experienced, even if we remember things differently.”
- Response 2: “Yes, I’m confident in my memory, but I’m open to hearing your side too.”
- Response 3: “I remember it clearly. Let’s discuss what we both recall without undermining each other’s memories.”
5. “You’re misinterpreting my intentions.” Gaslighting reassigns the blame.
- Response 1: “I may not know your intentions, but this is how it came across to me, and I want to talk about that.”
- Response 2: “It’s possible I misunderstood, but let’s focus on how your actions made me feel.”
- Response 3: “I’m open to understanding your intentions, but the impact is what I’d like to address.”
These responses are designed to calmly assert your perspective and keep the conversation constructive, without allowing the gaslighter to dismiss or manipulate your reality. The key is to stay firm in your truth while keeping the tone calm and focused on resolution. Try using one the next time you encounter a gaslighter.
Check out the latest 3 O’Clock Wednesday, “Cinnamon Spice & Fall: It’s Time to Elevate Your Self Care, Y’all!”
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Read all the articles in the Magnet for Narcissists series.
#1 Are You a Magnet for Narcissists: 8 Possible Reasons Why
Seeking Approval: #2 Magnet for Narcissists
Fear of Rejection: #3 Narcissist Magnet
Are You Easy to Manipulate?: #4 Narcissist Magnet
The Vulnerable Prey: Low Self-Esteem and the Narcissist’s Trap
