I Have Low Self-Esteem, Do You?
I discovered my issues with low self-esteem run deeper than I had previously thought. This insight appeared as I worked on my latest article, The Vulnerable Prey: Low Self-Esteem and the Narcissist’s Trap. Writing is like journaling: it opens your world up in front of your eyes.
It has led me to understand I have very low self-esteem.
This revelation has led me to try a new challenge for the next four weeks. Join me on this adventure!
Low Self-Esteem and Lies
One of the most unexpected things I’ve learned through this chapter in my life is that my low self-esteem makes me vulnerable to lies of all sorts.
And I’m not just talking about other people lying to me.
I also lie to myself.
In fact, I have caused a lot of damage to myself with my own misguided lies.
As you can imagine, this has been difficult to swallow. But with time, reflection, and my favorite tool of all time—intentionality—I can see my situation much more evident. And now that I can see the lies in the light of day, I can no longer accept the damage they inflict upon me.
Why is Low Self-Esteem Problematic?
Low self-esteem refers to a person’s negative overall subjective evaluation of themselves. This condition can manifest in various ways, such as a lack of confidence, feeling unworthy or inferior, excessive self-criticism, or a persistent belief that one is not good enough. I often struggle with accepting and valuing myself and have difficulty asserting my needs and boundaries.
As a result, I would believe the lies told to me by people around me. People in a position in my life that I trusted and believed. Sadly, it just takes one person with narcissistic tendencies to mess with the mind.
I heard repeatedly that I was a burden, that I ruined things for other people because of my health, and that I was lucky to have my job/partner/family who accepted me as I am because I might not ever find that again.
Naively, I believed these lies and let them settle into the cracks of my soul.
Other’s Lies Turn Into My Own Lies
My self-esteem was injured as I was attacked over and over again. Why was I so stupid/trusting/ignorant/inferior? Why wasn’t I born smarter/luckier/more logical?
Here is the crazy cycle I recently discovered: the more lies I believed from other people, the more lies I perpetuated to myself.
I began blaming myself for unblameable things. If I was late to work, it was because I was too stupid not to check the traffic earlier. My child got sick because I hard-headedly made him attend church during cold and flu season. My car was broken into certainly because I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings, not just because criminals are bad people.
Do you see the pattern emerging?
My low self-esteem made it easy for me to accept the lies other people told me. Unfortunately, I had surrounded myself with people who could never accept blame themselves, so they were always pointing the finger at the easy target: me. I accepted that false narrative so completely that I began blaming myself without provocation.
I lied to myself.
The Lies That Hurt Low Self-Esteem
So, what lies can hurt a person with low self-esteem?
ALL LIES.
Lies are unnecessary. Lies are not productive. They perpetuate a story that has no fact or basis.
It’s time to stop accepting lies from others who want to shift blame away from themselves. More importantly, it’s time to stop lying to ourselves. These lies cut deeply into our souls and leave us with vibrant scars. It’s time to begin some true healing.
The Challenge
I am starting a four-week challenge. Each week, there will be a different commonly believed lie to be focused on.
The challenge is simple: Spend time during the week to intentionally uplift yourself with truth.
The first lie I want to tackle is this: I am powerless.
Many people understand this feeling. We all feel powerless at times, but that doesn’t mean we actually have no power. When I think of all the people in my life who have left me with this feeling, I can see that it was always done with ulterior motivation. People made me feel powerless because they wanted to feel in control. Family members, bosses, and romantic partners all fed me lies to make me feel inferior.
One thing that greatly helped me in this area came from my sweet aunt and uncle, who bequeathed me my own personal mantra.
I am Lilly. I am Strong.
When I found myself going through a tough time in my life, I used this phrase over and over again. I am Lilly. I am Strong. I would say it daily, sometimes hourly. I had to intentionally say it to myself to counteract the lies I had believed for so long.
It didn’t take long for me to start believing it.
This truth settled into my self-esteem and gave it balance and support.
This Week’s 3 O’Clock Wednesday Challenge
For this week’s 3 O’clock Wednesday, I challenge you to create a personal mantra that empowers and uplifts you. You can use the same one I use or something completely and utterly different. The only rule is that it needs to make a personal impact on you and help you feel less powerless.
Examples are:
I Am The Calm In The Chaos
I Can Do Whatever I Put My Mind To Do
There Is Nothing Too Difficult For Me
I Can Change the Things That I Can and Accept Those That I Can’t
Once you have your mantra, please write it down somewhere you will see daily. You want this mantra to propel you forward with encouragement. I wrote mine on a piece of paper and had it beside my bed. I saw it every morning and every evening. “I am Lilly, I am strong!” supported my tentative steps on the days I felt weakest and emboldened my decisions on the days I needed courage.
Repeat your mantra to yourself every day. Let this truth settle into the cracks of your soul.
Check back next week for the next challenge to the lies of low self-esteem.
