We all know what gaslighting looks like when it comes from someone else—those manipulative words or actions designed to make us question our reality, minimize our emotions, or doubt our worth. But what about when we do it to ourselves? Yes, self-gaslighting is a thing, and it’s time we stop. Let’s look at how you can stop gaslighting yourself today.
How often have you brushed off your feelings with phrases like, “I’m overreacting,” or “It’s not that big of a deal”? How many times have you doubted your intuition because you’ve convinced yourself you’re being “too sensitive” or “too emotional”? Maybe you’ve even downplayed your achievements with, “I just got lucky” or “Anyone could’ve done this.”
Here’s the truth: every time we invalidate our emotions, dismiss our gut instincts, or minimize our accomplishments, we’re gaslighting ourselves.
We’re feeding the lie that our inner voice isn’t worth listening to—that our experiences aren’t valid. And over time, this silent erosion of self-trust can lead to anxiety, self-doubt, and a complete disconnection from who we truly are.
How to Stop Gaslighting Yourself
1. Call It Out Here and Now
Pay attention to the words you say to yourself. If you catch yourself brushing off your feelings or downplaying your achievements, pause and ask, “Would I say this to someone I love?” If not, it has no place in your inner dialogue.
Recently, I was confronted by someone lashing out at me—not because I did something wrong, but because they wanted to fight and win the argument. My first instinct was to downplay my feelings and take the blame for their behavior. It wasn’t until a few friends pointed it out that I realized this truth: someone else’s bad behavior is never my fault.
2. Validate Your Emotions
Your feelings are never “too much.” They are signals, not inconveniences. When emotions arise, instead of pushing them away, acknowledge them. Say, “This is how I feel, and that’s okay.”
When I was confronted, my initial reaction was to wonder what I had done to cause the problem. The answer? Nothing. I didn’t deserve to be mistreated, and it hurt that I became the target of someone’s misplaced anger. This was the moment to name my emotions: my feelings were hurt, and I was a little angry, too. Recognizing and naming those emotions allowed me to process them instead of blaming myself.
3. Trust Your Intuition
That little voice inside you is there for a reason. It’s your guide, your protector. Stop second-guessing it and start leaning into it. Your gut feelings are worth honoring.
I’ve always struggled to trust my instincts, but there’s a reason we have intuition. When this person lashed out, they followed up with some angry texts. I doubted my own perception, so I turned to my trusted circle for their honest input. I shared screenshots of the texts, and every single person validated what I already knew: my gut was right. Now I need to lean into that truth.
4. Celebrate Your Wins
Big or small, every achievement deserves recognition. No more, “It’s no big deal.” It is a big deal. Own it. You’ve worked hard, and you deserve to feel proud.
My big win in this situation came when I set boundaries. I didn’t confront the person directly, but I made clear decisions to protect myself. I chose not to ride in the car with them anymore—the setting of the original conflict—and I restricted our communication to text so I’d always have a record of our conversations. These boundaries are huge for a recovering people pleaser like me.
The Time is Now to Stop Gaslighting Yourself!
This is your immediate call to action: stop gaslighting yourself today!
- Your inner voice matters
- Your emotions are valid
- Your achievements are real
Let’s break the habit of self-minimizing and start treating ourselves with the same compassion, respect, and belief we offer to others.
It’s time to reclaim your truth. Be your own advocate, your biggest cheerleader, and your most honest friend. Because when you stop gaslighting yourself, you create space to grow, heal, and thrive.
You are worthy of that. Always! So, stop the self-doubt. Start listening. Trust yourself. Your voice deserves to be heard—especially by you.
Read more about this crazy journey towards wellness at www.lillystrong.com
For something a little more in-depth, read my guest blog on Tiny Buddha, “Am I The Narcissist? How To Tell If It’s You.“
