What is your first thought when you hear ‘good mistakes’?
Does your mind flash through color slides of every wrong decision you’ve ever made? Does it land on the countless times you’ve said ‘oops!’? Does the weight of regret suddenly bog you down?
I am guilty of all these.
You know the one thing I have never thought of when I hear the word ‘mistake’?
Good. I never classify mistakes as good.
Perhaps it’s time I shift my perception of what a mistake is.
It’s Not My Mistake – It’s His!
I have taught children aged seven and under for most of my adult life. Before transitioning into the classroom, I was a dance teacher for many years, and in that time I have worked with hundreds and hundreds of children. And although all children are different, I can share some pretty universal ideas when it comes to children and their mistakes.
First: they hate to be mistaken.
Second: because they are just learning who they are, they make many mistakes.
Third: how they respond to making a mistake will significantly affect their sense of self as they grow older.
As the saying goes, no one has more confidence than a kindergartener who is line leader for the day. Oh, the power! They rule the world! Actually, it’s quite cute to see them buoyed up with confidence like a peacock strutting around with his feather’s all fanned out.
But even with that confidence, if confronted about making a mistake, most children will soundly proclaim, “It’s not my mistake. It’s his!”
You can literally catch a child with a ruined art project in their hands, and they will try to blame someone else.
Why do they do this?
Out of a sense of survival. No one, not even a young child, wants to feel shame or failure. Our minds naturally try to repel hurt and ridicule.
And that’s how we, as a society, look at mistakes. Mistakes mean failure. Mistakes make us feel ashamed. Even as we grow up to be adults, we still try to point our fingers away from ourselves.
Wouldn’t it be great to change that mindset?
Faulty Thought Process
We’ve been programmed since childhood to see mistakes as bad, things we should avoid.
I used to wonder why children won’t admit to mistakes…did they grow up in highly critical families? Were their early teachers unforgiving about flawed humans acting like flawed humans? Does herd mentality make us feel ashamed to admit our weaknesses?
But I think it’s something much simpler than that.
We, as human beings, strive always to do ‘better’.
Better than yesterday and better than what we’ve done before. And further, we try to surpass the generations that came before us. This natural instinct of ‘one-upmanship’ is a pretty great quality. It helps us cure diseases, create computer chips the size of pencil erasers, and ideate new clean energy sources.
Society wouldn’t evolve without this competitiveness.
Competitiveness drives us to succeed as much as possible; so we can achieve more.
Mistakenly, we try to avoid mistakes thinking those are roadblocks to success.
But…that’s not how progress works…
Good Mistakes
The better a man is, the more mistakes will he make – for the more new things he will try. I would never promote a man into a top level job who had not make mistakes, and big ones at that.
Peter Drucker, 1909-2005 Austrian management guru
Mistakes are good.
Good?
Yes. Good. Mistakes help us learn, grow, and succeed.
You must learn to fall before you run.
You might need to fail before you succeed.
Mistakes are stepping stones on our journey through life. Each mistake is an opportunity to grow.
Who Never Makes Mistakes?
A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
George Bernard Shaw, 1856-1950
Have you ever encountered people who pretend like they never make mistakes? I have. They are super annoying!
And completely fake.
Nobody is free of mistakes. Without a doubt, we are better off having made them.
Each one of us is uniquely and magically special because of the mistakes we’ve made. We’ve all learned different lessons and have grown in different ways. We become ourselves through mistakes. They aren’t failures. They are good mistakes.
Think of the famous people who had to stumble before they could win:
- Albert Einstein choose to be an insurance salesman for a while.
- Fred Astaire bombed his first Hollywood screen test.
- Henry Ford failed twice in making the automobile.
- Charles Darwin dropped out of college. Twice.
- Mark Cuban was fired as a computer salesman.
- Gail Borden had two milk factories fail before he perfected the condensed milk recipe.
Additionally, I’m sure you’ve heard these famous quotes…
I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
Michael Jordan
I have not failed 10,000 times. I have not failed once. I have succeeded in proving that those 10,000 ways will not work. When I have eliminated the ways that will not work, I will find the way that will work.
Thomas Edison
Shaping Our Paths
We need to stop tormenting ourselves and begin to see our goofs for what they are:
- Experiences that open our minds
- Opportunities for growth
- Path changes on our journey
And, lastly,…TOTALLY NORMAL!
Everyone makes mistakes. They are ordinary, human, and necessary to grow as a person.
For today’s 3 O’clock Wednesday, I want you to sit for a moment with some of your mistakes.
- Grace – Stop beating yourself up about the past and accept it as a regular part of growth
- Affirmation – Try to see how a mistake inevitably led you to a good conclusion
- Self-Care – Take some time with self-care to fully and purposefully embrace who you are. Meditate, journal, chat with a trusted source. Take the time to accept who you are and your mistakes – bad and good. You wouldn’t be you without them.
New to 3 O’clock Wednesdays? Start here
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