Do you struggle with feeling safe in seemingly simple, everyday situations?
Today we’re diving into a topic that’s close to my heart—and I bet to yours as well: feeling safe.
Not the kind of safety you can buy with money or build with security systems, but that deep, inner safety we all deserve simply because we exist. If you’ve ever felt like you must earn your right to feel safe, know that you’re not alone—and that notion is pure, unadulterated nonsense.
Not a Game Show Prize
You’re not a contestant on some twisted game show where safety is the grand prize you win after a series of grueling challenges.
Safety is your birthright, not a trophy for the “most resilient.”
It’s okay if self-doubt has crept in over the years—trust me, many of us have sat in that all-too-familiar spot, wondering why we aren’t safe.
Spoiler alert: It’s not your fault…and you deserve to feel safe every single day.
Feeling Safe Is A Basic Need
Let’s break it down. Safety comes in two flavors: physical and emotional.
- Physical Safety means having a secure environment–think of it as your cozy, well-fortified castle.
- Emotional Safety, on the other hand, is that warm, fuzzy feeling inside when you know you’re worthy of love, care, and kindness. It’s the difference between a sturdy lock on your door and the reassuring hug of self-compassion.
From a psychological perspective, safety forms the bedrock of our basic human needs. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs reminds us that without safety, we can’t really thrive. We need a safe space to explore our creativity, form meaningful relationships, and simply be our fabulous selves.
So, if anyone ever tells you that you need to earn safety, just smile and reflect: you’ve had that entitlement since day one!
The Impact of Trauma on Perceptions of Safety
Trauma, especially from abuse, can distort our sense of safety. It’s like having an overdramatic inner critic whispering, “You don’t deserve to feel safe.”
If you’ve ever thought that, know this: it’s not a reflection of your worth—it’s just trauma talking.
I remember my breakthrough moment in EMDR like it was yesterday. In the middle of a session, it hit me: Who was I to think I was entitled to safety? It’s a dog-eat-dog world, after all. My mind twisted the narrative, convincing me I had somehow earned the right to be UNsafe.
My therapist grounded me as I laughed at the grim irony of it all. I couldn’t feel safe without believing safety was possible…and I couldn’t believe in it without first knowing I deserved it.
It was like watching a comedy of errors starring my own thoughts. And while humor may seem out of place, sometimes laughing at the absurdity of our trauma-fueled logic is the best medicine.
That voice in your head?
It’s just trauma—not truth.
So let’s stop giving it power.
Self-Care Strategies for Reclaiming Safety
Now, let’s talk about building back your fortress of safety with some self-care magic:
Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques
When your mind and body feel terribly twisted, try deep breathing exercises, a body scan, or even a mindfulness meditation. Picture yourself as a tree with deep roots—steadily swaying in the breeze but firmly planted in the ground. It’s not just for Instagram yoga poses; these techniques can help ease those PTSD symptoms and remind you that you’re in control.
Creating a Safe Space
Your environment matters! Whether it’s a cozy nook filled with your favorite blanket and a cup of herbal tea or a corner adorned with calming scents and soft lighting, make your space a sanctuary. Think of it as designing your own personal hug every time you walk in.
Therapeutic Practices
If you haven’t already, consider exploring therapies like EMDR, somatic experiencing, or good old talk therapy. Sometimes, having a compassionate professional in your corner is like having a superhero sidekick on your healing journey. My EMDR journey has been very successful so far in helping me regain a sense of safety.
Routine and Structure
Establishing a routine isn’t about being a robot; it’s about creating predictable patterns that reinforce safety. Prioritize consistent sleep, healthy meals, and a bit of movement—whether it’s dancing around your living room or a gentle walk outside. Routines can be like your daily safety net.
Feeling Safe Through Connections
Never underestimate the power of community. Support groups, whether online or in person, offer a space where you’re not alone in your experiences. Sharing your story or simply listening to someone else’s can be incredibly validating. Plus, sometimes laughing together about life’s absurdities is the best reminder that we’re all in this together.
Shifting the Narrative: You Deserve Safety
It’s time to rewire that inner dialogue. Here are some self-affirmations to help silence that pesky inner critic:
- I am worthy of safety and care.
- I deserve to be nurtured and protected.
- I am resilient and capable of healing.
- My well-being is a priority.
- I embrace my journey toward inner peace.
- Every step I take is a victory for my safety.
- I have the right to create a life filled with love and security.
- I am enough, exactly as I am.
Remember, healing is a journey, and every tiny step forward counts. Think of it as assembling a puzzle where every piece—no matter how small—contributes to a beautiful, complete picture of your resilient self.
Feeling Safe: The First Step
Alright, my safety-seeking warriors, here’s your mission for today: take one small, concrete step toward reclaiming your safety.
It could be setting up that calming space, trying a new mindfulness exercise, or even jotting down your thoughts in a journal.
Here’s a little journaling prompt for you: Write down one thing that makes you feel safe, and choose a color that represents that safe feeling.
Here is my entry:
“I feel safe when I’m with my friends. The color I think of when I think of being safe is blue, like the calming waves in the ocean.”
The Comfort of Feeling Safe
To wrap things up: feeling safe is a fundamental need, one that trauma can sometimes make us question. But with self-care, supportive communities, and thoughtful actions, we can rebuild that sense of security. Embrace your journey with hope and resilience—after all, every step you take is a victory.
Thank you for being here, and remember: your safety is non-negotiable, and you are absolutely worth every ounce of care and protection. Let’s continue this journey together—share your experiences, reach out when you need guidance, and keep shining bright, because you deserve nothing less.
Stay safe, be kind to yourself, and keep that inner light glowing!
Here’s my latest podcast: “No” Still Matters In Marriage
This episode explores the power of naming abuse in a place where many are taught it can’t exist—inside a marriage. A vulnerable solo episode from Lilly about reclaiming voice, agency, and truth.
To read our latest 3 O’Clock Wednesday, click here.
I’d love to hear your stories and see your progress! Join our community discussions on the blog or hop on over to our Instagram page where we celebrate every courageous step together. Remember, safety isn’t something you need to earn—it’s your right, and every action you take is a powerful reclaiming of your well-being.
