Control is the power to influence or direct our own lives. At its best, control helps us set healthy boundaries, make empowered choices, and feel safe within ourselves. However, when control is taken from us—especially in relationships—its absence can lead to confusion, fear, and powerlessness. It’s time to take back control!
How Do Donuts Relate?
I recently wrote an article called “Is Narcissistic Coercive Control a Mystery to You? (CC#!)” It dives into the often-overlooked abuse of coercive control, particularly how narcissists use it to manipulate and dominate without ever raising their voice or hand.
And the whole story started with a donut.
Through personal reflections, like struggling to gather spare change to buy a donut for my child due to tightly controlled finances, I explore how small moments reveal the subtle but powerful grip of coercive control.
For years, I never realized why donuts became such a meaningful treat until I saw how they symbolized the simple joys I could finally freely provide. Over time, even small pleasures can become symbols of freedom.
For this 3 O’Clock Wednesday, I want you to feel empowered to recognize the impact of taking charge and take steps toward true independence.
Taking Control: Three Steps in Three Minutes
We often feel like we’re being pulled in a million directions, with little say over our own lives. But taking control starts with small, intentional steps that empower you to steer your own ship. Here are your three things to do in three minutes to start a change:
- Give Yourself Grace: Take a deep breath and acknowledge that it’s okay not to have everything under control all the time. Life is messy, and perfection is an illusion. Forgive yourself for the moments you felt overwhelmed or made a mistake. You’re human, and that’s perfectly fine.
- Validate Your Wins: Think of one thing you did this week that required courage or strength, no matter how small. Maybe you set a boundary, said “no” to something that drained you, or simply got out of bed on a tough day. Give yourself credit for that act of taking control, and remind yourself that these small victories add up.
- Plan Your Self-Care: Look at the week ahead and schedule one specific act of self-care that puts you back in the driver’s seat. It could be a 15-minute walk alone, a quiet moment with a book, or a donut to share with someone special. Commit to this plan as a non-negotiable appointment with yourself.
By giving yourself grace, recognizing your strengths, and planning for self-care, you reclaim your power one step at a time.
What will your act of self-care be this week? Write it down and make it happen—you deserve it!
As we kick off a series about coercive control, it’s important to remember that true empowerment begins with small acts of self-care and self-compassion. It’s about reclaiming your voice and your right to steer your own life, one step at a time.
For more stories, go to www.lillystrong.com.
