After spending time with narcissists, “healthy” can feel like a foreign language. You get so used to walking on eggshells that real kindness feels suspicious. Respect feels fake. Basic emotional safety feels like a trick.
So let’s talk about what healthier people actually sound like.
This isn’t to make you paranoid or nitpicky. It’s to give your nervous system a new reference point. If all you’ve ever heard is, “You’re too sensitive,” and, “You’re lucky I stay,” you may not realize that other kinds of conversations are possible.
In my podcast episode “If These Words Sound Familiar, You’ve Met a Narcissist”, I break down the toxic lines that keep you doubting yourself. This article is the flip side—the hopeful side. These are things healthy-ish, emotionally safe people tend to say, and narcissists rarely do.
As you read, notice how your body responds. Does it relax? Does it tighten? That’s information too; your body is always talking to you.
6 Beautiful, Uplifting Things You Won’t Hear Narcissists Say
1. “I’m sorry. I was wrong.” (Not in the vocabulary of narcissists)
Why it’s powerful:
Healthy people are not allergic to being wrong. They can say:
“I messed up.”
“I shouldn’t have said that.”
“That was hurtful, and I’m sorry.”
No twenty-minute monologue about their stress. No blaming you for bringing it up. No disappearing act.
What a narcissist might say instead:
“I’m sorry you feel that way.”
“If you hadn’t done X, I wouldn’t have reacted like that.”
“Wow, you can’t let anything go.”
Translation: “I feel a tiny bit bad that you’re upset, but not enough to take responsibility.”
How it feels in your body:
A real apology usually feels like the tension in your shoulders drops half an inch. There’s relief, even if the situation isn’t fully fixed yet. A fake apology feels like a knot in your stomach—like somehow you’ve ended up guilty again.
2. “Your feelings make sense.”
Why it’s powerful:
This doesn’t mean they agree with every detail. It means they see you and your inner world as valid.
“I can see why that upset you.”
“Given what you’ve been through, that reaction makes sense.”
They don’t need you to “prove” your right to feel what you feel.
What a narcissist might say instead:
“You’re overreacting.”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“It’s not that big a deal.”
Your emotional reality becomes something to be corrected, not understood.
How it feels in your body:
When someone says, “Your feelings make sense,” your chest usually loosens. Your breathing steadies. You feel less alone inside your own experience.
3. “How can I make this right?”
Why it’s powerful:
Healthy people care about repair, not just being right. They don’t stop at, “I’m sorry.” They lean in:
“What do you need from me?”
“How can I fix this?”
“Is there something I can do differently?”
They’re not perfect—but they’re trying to grow, not win.
What a narcissist might do instead:
- Sulk.
- Give you the silent treatment.
- Make themselves the victim.
- Turn the conversation into a courtroom where you’re on trial.
The focus isn’t on repair; it’s on punishment and control.
How it feels in your body:
With healthy repair, it feels like you’re on the same team, facing a problem together. With a narcissist, it feels like you are the problem.
4. “Take your time. I’m here.”
Why it’s powerful:
Healthy people respect your pace. They don’t rush your healing, your decisions, or your comfort level.
“We don’t have to talk about this today.”
“If you’re not ready, that’s okay.”
“I’ll be here when you’re ready.”
They give you room to breathe.
What a narcissist might say instead:
“You’re still upset about that?”
“If you loved me, you’d be over it already.”
“Why are you bringing this up again? You’re ruining everything.”
Your healing becomes an inconvenience. Your timeline is a problem they want to control.
How it feels in your body:
When someone genuinely says, “Take your time,” your nervous system feels like it gets to sit down. There’s less pressure, less rush, more space.
5. “No is okay.”
Why it’s powerful:
Boundaries are where you find out what kind of relationship you actually have.
Healthy people might be disappointed when you say no—but they don’t punish you for it.
“I’m bummed, but I understand.”
“Thanks for being honest.”
“Maybe another time.”
No guilt trips. No revenge. No emotional withdrawal.
What narcissists might say instead:
“Wow, you never do anything for me.”
“You always ruin everything.”
Cue sulking, pouting, or rage.
The message is clear: your “no” is not allowed.
How it feels in your body:
When “no” is okay, you feel freer to say “yes” because you know it’s real, not coerced. When “no” gets punished, your body braces and tightens every time you even think about setting a boundary.
6. “Thank you for telling me how you feel.” (You are probably laughing at this one if you know any narcissists!)
Why it’s powerful:
This one is gold.
“Thank you for being honest.”
“I appreciate you telling me, even though it’s hard to hear.”
“I’m glad you trusted me with that.”
Healthy people know that honesty is a gift, not an attack.
What narcissists might say instead:
“Wow, so you’ve just been sitting there judging me?”
“You’re really going to bring this up now?”
“You’re attacking me.”
You learn that speaking up equals conflict, blame, and maybe even retaliation.
How it feels in your body:
When someone thanks you for your honesty, it feels safer to show up fully. Your throat loosens. You don’t feel like you have to script every word in your head before you say it.
How This Connects to Your Healing
Take a moment and notice:
- Which phrase made your body relax?
- Which one made you want to cry?
- Did any feel impossible to imagine someone saying to you?
That’s important information about what you’ve been missing—and what you deserve.
Mistreatment from narcissists has taught you that harm is normal.
Depression taught you that you are the problem.
It’s time to learn how to speak to yourself in a kinder voice.
Keep Going: Podcast + Workbook
If you want to hear the flip side—the unhealthy phrases that keep you doubting yourself—listen to my My Ruby Slippers episode about classic narcissist lines (things like, “You’re too sensitive,” and “I never said that,”).
And if you recognize that depression has been echoing those lies inside your head, Week 1 of 20 Days Rising from Depression is all about swapping them out for kinder, truer beliefs.
In the workbook, we:
- Name the lie
- Notice where it came from
- Practice a new truth—over and over, gently
You can find it, along with my blog and podcast links, at LillyStrong.com.
You deserve to hear, “I’m sorry.”
You deserve to hear, “Your feelings make sense.”
You deserve to hear, “No is okay,” and “Thank you for telling me.”
And if you’ve never heard those things from anyone else before, let me be the first:
Thank you for feeling.
Thank you for surviving.
Thank you for being here.
